The subject of our post today is jealousy, you may have heard those phrases before. Jealousy is essential to the relationship. Yes, these phrases only make you even more jealous, and do not contribute anything to your relationship. But jealousy is not always as good and necessary as they say, especially if this feeling is going too far for you.

Excessive jealousy is not only bad for the relationship, but also for you. This feeling when it consumes us manages to let our self-esteem down, or even provokes anger with harmful consequences.

Reflect on what makes you so jealous

When we are jealous, we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing, and we fear that he or she will reject us.

Many people who are actually happy in their relationship, still get really jealous. But ultimately you have to ask yourself if you trust them – have they ever given you any reason to doubt their faithfulness in the past? Most likely they haven’t and it’s all in your mind. Remember the saying ‘innocent until proven guilty’? Give them the benefit of the doubt and actually trust

We don’t control feelings, you control thoughts. Then start to observe and reflect on your crises of jealousy and what kind of thinking becomes trigger for this emotion so strong; this is essential!

Some tips for you to observe the moments you feel jealous

  • If you are jealous of your husband with friends, try to identify why;
  • Is your jealously provoked or is it a lifelong learning experience?.
  • Are you emotionally dependent?
  • Do you look over their phone?
  • Are you a controller

Talk to your partner

Talking to the partner about the feeling can also help. When we are in a relationship, dialogue about every situation is essential.

How about putting all the cards on the table and talking about the reason (s) for your jealousy? Many behaviors can be avoided by the partner. There are still attitudes that he / she may not even notice, that bothers you. In addition, they can explain about a situation and clear up any misunderstandings.

But at this moment you and your partner cannot be heated at the time of this conversation, try to calm down and then in a place reserved for you two, open this conversation.

Don’t try to compare with past relationships

In a new relationship, understand the rules and reach a consensus, go slowly showing what behaviors you have and what bothers you to see. But be reasonable, if you already understood that it is harmless, that your mind is capable of creating improbable things, you do not need to create such strict rules, at the risk of not leaving the relationship or maturing.

Past relationships are unique experiences lived by you and another person entirely different, so beware of generalizations and repetitions of behavior that triggered your friendship or marriage. You must think that you are in a new relationship with another person and therefore the traumas of the past must be left behind. This is the best way to live a healthy relationship.

Increase your self-love

Many women still don’t know this, but the more we love each other, the less jealousy we have about our partner. That’s right, a person well resolved is less dependent on the other, and because of that jealousy ends up being a feeling not so present.

Increasing your self-esteem goes beyond dressing up, taking care of your body, hair and putting on good makeup. Do activities that give you pleasure, read, take courses, help others, all these things can raise our self-esteem, as they are activities that generate pleasure and gratification.

Do activities alone or with friends

Jealous people do activities alone or with a group of friends. As the person gains his individuality, his self-esteem increases until he gains independence.

We believe that this way you will be with your partner for pleasure and thus, consequently, you will be a less jealous person. In addition to leaving you also free to be with you by choice.

When jealousy comes in excess it hides a dependency, a need to be with the other at all costs. As we gain our independence and raise self-esteem, that feeling is left behind. In addition to reducing jealousy, we guarantee that your relationship will be much happier.

If you understand and agree with these tips, you still feel that you can’t do it differently, or think that this is your way and that “you love too much”, you may be suffering from emotional dependence, so you need to understand how it is for you and how you can alleviate this difficulty, so that you don’t risk starting a new relationship and overloading you with your deepest needs, waiting for the other to handle it.

Danielle Lopasso

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Danielle Lopasso